An Assignment
“I can’t remember the last time I just sat outside and enjoyed the sun on my face”. I can’t help but wonder, why is it so hard for us, as women, to take care of ourselves. Not only is it hard for us, we feel like we have to justify it when we do with statements like “I didn’t have
I work primarily with women in my practice. Some are moms, some are working professionals, some are college students, some are all three at the same time. No matter who this woman is, where she comes from, or why she is doing therapy with me there is always one thing that these women have in common, all of these women feel the need to justify taking care of themselves. I’m not talking about basic care like take a shower and do your laundry kind of care. I’m talking about taking care of basic things like sleep, alone time, exercise, saying no to that extra assignment at work, taking a lunch break. I meet with woman after woman who expresses “I just don’t have enough time”, “I eat at my desk”, “I can’t remember the last time I just sat outside and enjoyed the sun on my face”. I can’t help but wonder, why is it so hard for us, as women, to take care of ourselves. Not only is it hard for us, we feel like we have to justify it when we do with statements like “I didn’t have breakfast, that’s why I had to have lunch”.
Because I care about you and because I want for you to feel that you have the excuse and permission to take care of yourself I am giving you an assignment. Here is your assignment:
Find a quiet spot where you feel comfortable to close your eyes for just a breath or two. Take a deep breath in, release that breath. Keep your eyes shut while you place your hand on your tummy. Breathe in again and notice your hand rise and fall as you breath in and release your air. Now I want for you to ask yourself; what do I really need? What is my body, my mind craving? Now without judgement, do whatever it is that came to mind. Don’t give yourself time to overanalyze, don’t think about it, just do it. Maybe what came up for you is that you want some alone time with your partner. Maybe you need some sleep. Maybe you need some relaxation. Below are some ideas of ways to take care of yourself.
Bubble Bath
Massage - Maybe take turns with your partner, giving and receiving massages
Alone Time - Ask your partner to take the kids out of the house for a few hours
Sleep
Manicure/Pedicure
Chocolate - Don’t go cheap on yourself, treat yourself to your favorite chocolate or dessert
Buy Yourself Flowers and Make an Incredible Arrangement
Join that exercise class you’ve been wanting to check out
Ask a friend to pick your kids up from school for the day
Go to the movies
Take a lunch break
Say no to that extra assignment at work
If you are feeling guilty about taking time for yourself you can strike a deal with your partner to reciprocate and provide him with a chance to spend some time doing what he loves.
2 Online Resources for Self Care
Need a moment to yourself or a way to unwind? Here are 2 of my favorite online resources that have helped me to fit in a little bit of self care when life is feeling a little crazy.
Need a moment to yourself or a way to unwind? Here are 2 of my favorite online resources that have helped me to fit in a little bit of self care when life is feeling a little crazy.
Yoga with Adriene - I am a huge YWA fan and Find What Feels Good (FWFG) fan. Adriene runs a subscription based website called Find What Feels Good and for $9.99 a month you get access to all her videos. Before you sign up for the subscription service be sure to check out her Youtube channel where she releases one free yoga video a week. If you are someone who has tried yoga in the past and have been unable to get beyond the sometimes pretentious vibe of yoga then check out Adriene. Adriene has a down to earth style, great sense of humor and is body inclusive and affirming. Here's a like to the YWA Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene and a link to her subscription based website: https://yogawithadriene.vhx.tv/
Breathe with Calm - Feeling a little keyed up and anxious? Just got some bad news and want to scream and cry but you got to go pick up the kids (Hey, no judgement, I’ve been there), take a moment and breathe. Breathe with Calm is a website that guides you through a breathing exercise with written instructions and a visual. https://www.calm.com/breathe
If you have 30 minutes this week, log onto the Yoga with Adriene Youtube channel and give one of her sessions a try. If you find yourself short on time or having periods of high anxiety and stress this week, give the Calm website a try.
Gwendolyn Nelson-Terry is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist located in the Hillcrest neighborhood of San Diego.