5 Affirmations for When You Feel Like a Bad Mom

Any woman who has ever been a mom knows intimately that deep guilt that creeps in every once in awhile.  Mom guilt, that sneaky asshole can hit at any time for any reason. When at work we can be overcome with guilt for not being at home, when at home we feel guilt for thinking about work, when we are with our partners we feel selfish for being away from the kids.  A lot of times the things we feel most guilty for are the things we most need, the things that make us whole, functioning, normal, human beings. But even though we can logically talk ourselves through our guilt, it doesn’t always help. Below are 5 affirmations for you use when you feel like a bad mom.  The reason to use affirmations is that it is one way to support building stronger, healthy neural connections that help fight off that awful feeling of mom guilt. Take a look at the following affirmations and see if any stand out to you.

1. I am a fierce, bad ass, motherfucking mom.  No one cares for my kids the way I care for my kids.

2. I am allowed to go out with my (friends, partner, to book club, etc).  It makes me a happy and better mom.

3. A good enough mom is pretty damn good.

4. I love my kids and they love their mom.

5. I am the perfect mom for my child.

Pick one affirmation that speaks to you.  Say it to yourself when you are feeling anxious, say it when you are feeling stressed, say it to yourself when you are feeling calm, in control and like the perfect mom.  Using affirmations can help us to rewire our brain, build stronger neural connections that help to fight off uncomfortable feelings like mom guilt, and to focus on thoughts and feelings that improve our moods and feelings.

If you struggle with mom guilt and would like more support, contact Gwendolyn Nelson-Terry, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in San Diego, California at (619) 383-1900.

Drinking to cope with motherhood

I often work with women who are struggling with how to manage the stress that comes with being a mom, partner, employee, friend and much more.  Today women juggle more responsibilities and have more stress than any other generation before them. They feel pressure to be the perfect parent, bring in an income that allows for a nice house and to pay for their kids soccer and ballet lessons.  When at work they feel pressure to be home, when home they feel pressure to be the fun and sexy wife, when with their children they are worried about work. It feels that life is always moving, they are never where they “should” be, they are never doing enough and never feeling successful.  With all of this pressure it can be easy to turn to drinking as one tool to shut down the constant pressure that many women are feeling today.

It is possible for people to have a healthy relationship with alcohol and you might just be one of those people.  But for some women, drinking is becoming a normal tool to manage the stress that often comes along with raising children and trying to have a happy marriage.  Below is a short checklist of signs that you may be relying on drinking in order to manage stress.

__You drink more or for longer periods than you intended to.

__You have tried to stop drinking before but couldn’t.

__Drinking is starting to interfere with taking care of your family.

__Drinking more to get the desired effect (decreased stress, feeling relaxed, etc)

These are just a couple of signs that drinking may be becoming a problem.  

If you think you may be drinking to much try and stop for a week, see what happens and how you feel about your alcohol intake.  Notice what comes up for you during that week, was it hard? Easy? Did you enjoy more time with your kids or notice less arguing with your husband?  Or maybe you fought more with your husband and were on edge with the kids all week.

If you noticed that it was hard to give up drinking, therapy may be able to help.  Depending on your needs therapy may be able to help you manage your stress, decrease anxiety and depression, improve your relationship with your partner, family and friends, and to decrease your alcohol use.  

I would love to help you on your path towards feeling better.  To schedule an appointment call (619) 383-1900 or email gwendolyn@gwendolynnelsonterry.com

Gwendolyn Nelson-Terry is a licensed marriage and family therapist located in the Hillcrest neighborhood of San Diego, CA.

2 Online Resources for Self Care

Need a moment to yourself or a way to unwind?  Here are 2 of my favorite online resources that have helped me to fit in a little bit of self care when life is feeling a little crazy.

1. Yoga with Adriene -  I am a huge YWA fan and Find What Feels Good (FWFG) fan.  Adriene runs a subscription based website called Find What Feels Good and for $9.99 a month you get access to all her videos.  Before you sign up for the subscription service be sure to check out her Youtube channel where she releases one free yoga video a week.  If you are someone who has tried yoga in the past and have been unable to get beyond the sometimes pretentious vibe of yoga then check out Adriene.  Adriene has a down to earth style, great sense of humor and is body inclusive and affirming.  Here's a like to the YWA Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene and a link to her subscription based website:  https://yogawithadriene.vhx.tv/

2. Breathe with Calm - Feeling a little keyed up and anxious?  Just got some bad news and want to scream and cry but you got to go pick up the kids (Hey, no judgement, I’ve been there), take a moment and breathe.  Breathe with Calm is a website that guides you through a breathing exercise with written instructions and a visual.  https://www.calm.com/breathe

If you have 30 minutes this week, log onto the Yoga with Adriene Youtube channel and give one of her sessions a try.  If you find yourself short on time or having periods of high anxiety and stress this week, give the Calm website a try.

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Gwendolyn Nelson-Terry is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist located in the Hillcrest neighborhood of San Diego.